i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
