You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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