I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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