I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
