Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
