they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
