Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
