i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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