I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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