Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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