i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize