So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
