I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We left the knife in your bed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
