Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
