I smell stomach acid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
do nipples grow back?
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