I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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