We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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