SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
