your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
