He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
