Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
