this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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