i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think i have two assholes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
