I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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