Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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