I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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