So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize