jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
