new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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