I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
