Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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