btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
