i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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