Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
