Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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