OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
