matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
