drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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