Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
