uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
