In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
