she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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