eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
