The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
