I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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