Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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