woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
