I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize