Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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