Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
