i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
