You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize