it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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