Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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