does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize