Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
