U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize