Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize