Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
