Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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