I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
