I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
