i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
should my penis look like a turkey
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
