Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
